Where Is The Rainbow?

There is a lot of conversation in the infant/pregnancy loss community about rainbow babies. When is the right time to try? How do I parent one? When do I tell them about the child I lost? What isn’t discussed as often is what happens when that isn’t an option.

Rainbow babies are children born to a family after they suffer a loss. These extraordinary children are the beautiful light that comes after a dark time. They are a symbol of hope and healing. Unfortunately, not everyone has that rainbow to look forward to after the storm.

During the surgery when I lost my daughter, I had a hysterectomy. Instead of just grieving the loss of my daughter, I am also grieving the loss of the family my Husband and I always dreamed of. I will never know what it feels like to hold my newborn baby in my arms again.

The best word for this feeling is devastation. I just want to punch things and scream. Just like my arms, my future feels empty and lonely.

There is so much talk about rainbow babies. They bring pure joy to this world. But it’s time to start saying it out loud, there isn’t always a rainbow at the end of the storm. Not everyone will get their rainbow baby.

Let’s welcome those moms into our circle. Let’s show support for those who have heard “you can always try again” and suffered silently knowing they can’t.

If you are a mom suffering infertility after loss and are comfortable sharing your story, please do so below.